“Richt, afore ye say onythin: this is a JOURNAL, aye? No a diary. I ken fine whit it says on the front. But when ma Maw went doon the shops I SPECIALLY telt her tae get yin that didnae say “diary” on it. Well seen, eh. Aw I need noo is for some bampot tae spy me cairtin this book aboot and get the wrang end o the stick. The ither thing I want tae get oot the road straicht aff the bat is that this wis ma MAW’s idea, no mine. But she’s no richt in the heid if she thinks I’m aboot tae stairt writin awa aboot ma “feelins” or ony o that guff. Sae if ye’re waitin on me giein it aw “Dear Diary” this and “Dear Diary” that, ye can awa and run. The anely reason I’m gaun alang wi this at aw is that, wan day, when I’m pure mintit and famous, I’ll hiv better things tae dae than staun aboot answerin fowk’s stupit questions aw day lang. Sae this book is gonnae be wirth its wecht in gowd”.